Sarcasm Is My Only Weapon
by Huntresses
Summary: Alice Evans was a Harry Potter fan, she adored it to the point of obsession but when she makes the mistake of falling down that silly old Well-she finds herself surrounded by characters which weren't real and telling her she had some sort of key to win the Second Wizarding War, was she going insane?
1. Prologue

**Razi: This has been an ongoing project of mine for several months and I never thought this would get posted up. I think it's okay but my character skills still need a bit of work. Well, Alice Evans has officially made her appearance. There is no official Harry Potter until next chapter. **

**Disclaiming everything but Alice Evans.**

_**Bold**** Italics**_= JKR's work, not mine.

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"Alicia Evans!"

The teacher could have passed for a troll if she wanted to, short and plump with numerous chins and a mole which had it's own beard. The girl took her gaze away from the window, looking slightly sheepish at being caught not paying attention for the third time that hour. It wasn't her fault that Maths was just brilliantly boring or terribly abysmal. Answering the question upon the board with relative ease, the teacher gave her another warning glance before turning back to the board and continuing the lesson; like the other times she had been caught, Alice turned her gaze back to the window.

"Way to go Alice" Maria muttered under her breath before going back to doodling into her notebook. Rolling her eyes at the comment, Alice ignored the ever bitter and intimidating Maria Chesterfield and continued to stare at the open field which lurked behind their school. It wasn't fair, whenever the sun shone done and they had brilliant weather in the capricious climate of Britain- the children never seemed to get to enjoy it, instead they were herded into schools and forced to endure such silly things like maths, English and science. If Science involved a cauldron then Alice would be sure she would pay more attention, sadly it wasn't the case and she was well known in the Science department for her magnificent explosions from time to time.

She caught a glimpse of herself within the window, absentmindedly combing her copper coloured locks and trying to tame a single curl which existed just to annoy her. It happened with all the great people, bad hair days were there to test you- even Madonna had them from time to time. Alice supposed that she wasn't _bad_ looking, just not the one to draw in all the boys. Pretty smile, kinda tall with maybe a couple of curves from eating too many digestives- she wasn't exactly involved with the opposite gender. Gently tapping her nails against the desk, she hummed along to the tune which was banging around in her head- she couldn't even remember the lyrics, oh well.

"-Due in in Thursday."

And once again, she had completely blanked out and forgotten to jot down what this weeks homework was. Well, not really that big of an issue- she just hadn't handed in a single piece of homework once this term and her parents would be called in if she wasn't careful. Her mum would give her a scowl in front of the teacher and tell her that she would be punished but when outside she'd burst out laughing, saying how much alike they were. Her dad would give her a lazy glance and give her the same inspirational speech like always.

"As long as you don't turn into a miniature of Katie Price, I really don't care." Her dad used to be in the Navy you see, he learned a while back from _his_ dad that you've just gotta live. He installed this into Alice at a young age and has been proud of her ever since. Her parents didn't just _not_ care, it's just they wanted her to be happy with whatever she did and whilst they wanted her to be successful, they knew that Maths and Science and all other logical paths were just not suited to her. She loved English and the written word and everything which had no proof backing it up like mermaids, wizards and witches. The Harry Potter shrine in her bedroom and so on.

Gathering up her equipment and stuffing it into her bag, she wandered out on the corridor and smiled at Zeke and Tony who had waited for her. The two were cousins apparently but Alice kept forgetting the fact despite hanging round with them 24/7. Zeke was lanky, reaching around 6ft already and mocking the tiny Alice who stood at a mere 5"4 in comparison. He was… awkward, to say the least, he enjoyed breathing video games more than he did air. Tony faired a little better than him, being a bit smaller than Zeke, he had a cheeky grin and a taste for trouble which once included a crisp packet, a lighter and a bottle of ketchup. The three had been stuck in the same Drama group when they moved up to High school and were as thick as thieves ever since.

"I got the homework from Regina." Tony told her, thrusting the piece of paper towards Alice who dramatically gasped and took it, only to clutch it to her chest as if it was a teddy.

"Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Alice chanted "You're now my favourite!"

"I thought I was your favourite anyways?" Tony stated, an eyebrow raised as Zeke rolled his eyes at the ego which would eventually cause the school to expand. The trio casually wandered out onto the English department, settling at their usual table in the usual classroom as they awaited their kooky teacher to come in for Form. Miss Merryweather was a nice woman, long curly bubblegum pink hair which had been often a debate between her and the head teacher- she was one of the most well-liked teachers in the school. She listened, she laughed and generally just understood the kids far better than the rest did.

Zeke laid back in his chair, his arm resting upon the back of Alice's seat as he chatted quietly to Tony who decided to sit upon the table and use his chair as a footrest. Alice hunched her shoulders, her arms crossed as she leaned forward and stared out of the window once again. If she got home at four today, she had enough time to finish off the remaining chapters of The Half Blood Prince and get onto The Deathly Hollows. Tucking the very same rogue curl behind her ear, she sighed quietly and rested her head upon her folded arms- knowing Zeke would nudge her when Miss Merryweather walked in.

Life was pretty damn simple.

* * *

The door slammed shut as she got home, Tony had Kendo practice and Zeke needed to go pick up his little sister from Primary school. So she had been forced to walk home on her own- like usual- the usual mean girls and popular guys walking behind her and poking fun of her all the way home. She wasn't popular, she wouldn't dare touch the putrid orange foundation which some of the girls wore. She didn't like being surrounded by loads of people. In fact, she went to one of Tony's Keno matches and because a lady nearly stood on her- she tried to kick at her ankles.

Sighing, she dropped her bag near the entrance bookshelf- picking up the lime green book which her Mum had left upon the floor and placing it back upon the shelves. Walking past the living room, she waved at her parents before backtracking and seeing her aunt and uncle perched upon the couch. Her aunt was a strict bitch, she was the reason her mum got kicked out of the house when she was eighteen. She was three years older than her mum and grey streaks riddled her blonde locks. Her husband was pretty cool, he was an English teacher in one of those fancy Oxford universities.

"Yo Auntie Maddie!" It was safe to say that Alice failed drama so badly that the teacher asked her not to come back next year- her smile was very strained and she was nearly crying at the sight of the pink dresses which her Auntie had brought with her for her only niece. Her Mum sent her an apologetic glance from behind her Aunt's back.

"Alicia! How much you've grown!" her Aunt said exuberantly, her arms stretched wide as she headed to embrace the smaller girl. She narrowly avoided the bear hug by ducking to grab another strewn book which Alice began to think her Mum strategically placed around the house. Standing back up, she went over to her Uncle Mick and gave him a hug and went to sit in her armchair which their cat, Minnie, had kept warm for her.

"Er… you saw me last week Aunt Maddie?" Alice said, rolling her pretty green eyes in a perfect circle as she petted the grey cat which purred happily from her lap. Aunt Maddie merely bristled at the nickname which she had been given since Alice was three. Bringing out the plastic baggie of doom, Alice cringed at the putrid pink items which lurked inside. Instead though, her dad saved her this time with his lazy attitude.

"Not to sound rude Mathilda but what are you doing here?"

"Oh, I just wanted to pop round to ask if Samantha was going to Mother's funeral?" It was posed as a question but Alice could see her Mum tense up at the question. Her Grandma had been a crude, rude and bitchy old woman- much like Auntie Maddie was becoming and Alice had never met the woman other than when her Mum had gone to the hospital when she had a miscarriage. The woman was vile.

"_Probably better for the poor bastard child that it was never born."_

"No Mathilda, I don't think I'll be attending such a joyous occasion." Alice smirked, watching as Aunt Maddie's mouth unhinged and she gaped at her sister from across the room. Alice was quite proud to be her Mum's daughter at that moment, realizing where she got her attitude from proudly. Stuttering for an answer also pissed Alice's dad off since he hated people beating round the bush, not to mention he loathed Auntie Maddie from the bottom of his heart. He stood up from his seat and walked onto the hallway with a courteous bow and pointing towards the door.

"Thank you for riding the Evans Family ride, please let the door hit your ass on the way out." Oh yeah, Alice thought with a grin, very proud.

"Well at least Alicia will be attending." Auntie Maddie sniffed in distaste, rolling her eyes once again Alice turned her gaze upon her Aunt who was staring expectantly at her.

"You heard my Dad, buh-bye." With a mocking wave, Auntie Maddie stormed out of the house with Uncle Mick following only sending us an apology for even coming with such a ridiculous request but they all knew how Aunt Maddie could be at time. Picking up Minnie from her seat on the armchair, Alice saluted her mum and carried the cat like a baby up to her attic bedroom where she planned to listen to remixed songs on you tube and read more of her Harry Potter chew toy. Her bedroom was fairly large- having the entire expanse length of their house for her bedroom. It was an emerald hue with purple curtains and bedspread. She has a large mahogany bookcase and a matching desk with chair- her large stereo placed upon the wall and her stacks of CD's littered throughout her shelves; all strategically placed though.

Placing Minnie upon the corner of her double bed, she wandered over to her windows and drew open the plum curtains and stared out onto the rain which was falling violently. Her favourite, she thought with a small smile and a fork of lightning flashing across the ash coloured skies. Flipping on Nickelback, she smiled to the familiar and addicting lyrics. Gracefully twirling round in the room, her flat voice muttering to the words in time with her embarrassing dance moves. Pulling out Half Blood Prince from her shelf- she twirled once again and flopped upon the bed next to her little grey kitty who barely flinched at her owners familiar actions.

"Now where was I?" Alice hummed to herself, flicking through the book happily as she came to the page number which she had imprinted in her memory.

_**The snow melted around the school as February arrived, to be replaced by cold, dreary wetness. Purplish-grey clouds hung low over the castle and a constant fall of chilly rain made the lawns slippery and muddy. The upshot of this was that the sixth-years' first Apparition lesson, which was scheduled for a Saturday morning so that no normal lessons would be missed, took place in the Great Hall instead of in the grounds.**_

_** Harry and Hermione arrived in the Hall (Ron had come down with Lavender) they found that the tables had disappeared. Rain lashed against the high windows and the enchanted ceiling swirled darkly above them as they assembled in front of Professors McGonagall, Snape, Flitwick and Sprout-the Heads of House-and a small wizard whom Harry took to be the Apparition Instructor from the Ministry. He was oddly colourless, with transparent eyelashes, wispy hair and an insubstantial air, as though a single gust of wind might blow him away. Harry wondered whether constant disappearances and reappearances had somehow diminished his substance, or whether this frail build was ideal for anyone wishing to vanish.**_

_**"Good morning," said the Ministry wizard, when all the students had arrived and the Heads of House had called for quiet. "My name is Wilkie Twycross and I shall be your Ministry-Apparition Instructor for the next twelve weeks. I hope to be able to prepare you for your Apparition test in this time-"**_

_**"Malfoy, be quiet and pay attention!" barked Professor looked round. Malfoy had flushed a dull pink; he looked furious as he stepped away from Crabbe, with whom he appeared to have been having a whispered argument. Harry glanced quickly at Snape, who also looked annoyed, though Harry strongly suspected that this was less because of Malfoy's rudeness than the fact that McGonagall had reprimanded one of his house."-by which time, many of you may be ready to take your test," **_

_**Twycross continued, as though there had been no interruption.**_

_**"As you may know, it is usually impossible to Apparate or Disapparate within Hogwarts. The Headmaster has lifted this enchantment, purely within the Great Hall, for one hour, so as to enable you to practise. May I emphasise that you will not be able to Apparate outside the walls of this Hall, and that you would be unwise to try."**_

_**"I would like each of you to place yourselves now so that you have a clear five feet of space in front of you."**_

_**There was a great scrambling and jostling as people separated, banged into each other, and ordered others out of their space. The Heads of House moved among the students, marshalling them into position and breaking up arguments.**_

_**"Harry, where are you going?" demanded Hermione, Harry did not answer; he was moving quickly through the crowd, past the place where Professor Flitwick was making squeaky attempts to position a few Ravenclaws, all of whom wanted to be near the front, past Professor Sprout, who was chivvying the Hufflepuffs into line, until, by dodging around Ernie Macmillan, he managed to position himself right at the back of the crowd, directly behind Malfoy, who was taking advantage of the general upheaval to continue his argument with Crabbe, standing five feet away and looking mutinous.**_

_**"I don't know how much longer, all right?" Malfoy shot at him, oblivious to Harry standing right behind him. "It's taking longer than I thought it would." Crabbe opened his mouth, but Malfoy appeared to second-guess what he was going to say.**_

_**"Look, it's none of your business what I'm doing, Crabbe, you and Goyle just do as you're told and keep a lookout!**_

_**"I'd tell my friends what I'm up to, if I want them to keep a lookout for me," Harry said, just loud enough for Malfoy to hear spun round on the spot, his hand flying to his wand, but at that precise moment the four Heads of House shouted, **_

_**"Quiet!" and silence fell again. Malfoy turned slowly to face the front.**_

_**"Thank you," said Twycross. "Now then..."**_

_**He waved his wand. Old-fashioned wooden hoops instantly appeared on the floor in from of every student.**_

_**"The important things to remember when Apparating are the three Ds!" said Twycross. "Destination, Determination, Deliberation!"Step one: fix your mind firmly upon the desired destination," said Twycross. "In this case, the interior of your hoop. Kindly concentrate upon that destination now."**_

_**Everybody looked around furtively, to check that everyone else was staring into their hoop, then hastily did as they were told. Harry gazed at the circular patch of dusty floor enclosed by his hoop and tried hard to think of nothing else. This proved impossible, as he couldn't stop puzzling over what Malfoy was doing that needed lookouts.**_

_**"Step two," said Twycross, "focus your determination to occupy the visualised space! Let your yearning to enter it flood from your mind to every particle of your body!"**_

_**Harry glanced around surreptitiously. A little way to his left, Ernie Macmillan was contemplating his hoop so hard that his face had turned pink; it looked as though he was straining to lay a Quaffle-sized egg. Harry bit back a laugh and hastily returned his gaze to his own hoop.**_

_**"Step three," called Twycross, "and only when I give the command ... turn on the spot, feeling your way into nothingness, moving with deliberation. On my command, now ... one-"**_

_**Harry glanced around again; lots of people were looking positively alarmed at being asked to Apparate so quickly.**_

_**"-two-"**_

_**Harry tried to fix his thoughts on his hoop again; he had already forgotten what the three Ds stood for.**_

_**"-THREE!"**_

_**Harry spun on the spot, lost his balance and nearly fell over. He was not the only one. The whole Hall was suddenly full of staggering people; Neville was flat on his back; Ernie Macmillan, on the other hand, had done a kind of pirouetting leap into his hoop and looked momentarily thrilled, until he caught sight of Dean Thomas roaring with laughter at him.**_

_**"Never mind, never mind," said Twycross dryly, who did not seem to have expected anything better. "Adjust your hoops, please, and back to your original positions ..."**_

_**The second attempt was no better than the first. The third was just as bad. Not until the fourth did anything exciting happen. There was a horrible screech of pain and everybody looked around, terrified, to see Susan Bones of Hufflepuff wobbling in her hoop with her left leg still standing five feet away where she had Heads of House converged on her; there was a great bang and a puff of purple smoke, which cleared to reveal Susan sobbing, reunited with her leg but looking horrified.**_

_**"Splinching, or the separation of random body parts," said Wilkie Twycross dispassionately, "occurs when the mind is insufficiently determined. You must concentrate continually upon your destination, and move, without haste, but with deliberation ... thus."**_

_**Twycross stepped forwards, turned gracefully on the spot with his arms outstretched and vanished in a swirl of robes, reappearing at the back of the Hall. **_

_**"Remember the three Ds," he said, "and try again ... one-two-three-"**_

_**But an hour later, Susan's Splinching was still the most interesting thing that had happened. Twycross did not seem discouraged. Fastening his cloak at his neck, he merely said, **_

_**"Until next Saturday, everybody, and do not forget: Destination. Determination. Deliberation."**_

Alice made it that far before her little blue mobile phone began jingling the song "Angel with a Shotgun" from her bedside table- groaning, she flopped onto her back, abandoning the open book as she reached over and grabbed the phone. Barel glancing at the name lit up upon the screen, she flipped it open.

"Y'ello?"

"Hey chika!" Her cousin Adrianna was her Aunt Maddie's eldest daughter- Alice's favourite as well. She was a year older than Alice but in no way more mature, Dee as she liked to be called was everything which Alice had wanted to be at one point. She could sing, she could dance, she could paint her nails a putrid yellow and pull them off- she wanted to go to University in Cambridge and no doubt she would pull it off because she was that kind of girl. Alice had once decided to hate Dee but it lasted for the space of ten minutes till Dee brought jam donuts into the room with her.

"Hey dolce!" Calling someone _Sweets_ in Italian is so cool, Alice thought to herself sarcastically.

"Quick question because I have to pack, could you lend me the entire HP series- I know you haven't read Deathly Hollows but I kinda need them." Dee whined, her voice making her ears ring. Muttering under her breath and looking longingly at the book which laid upon her bed.

"A boy which loves HP?"

"Yup."

"Why are you packing?"

"I'm coming up for a visit tomorrow, silly." Rolling her eyes, Alice bid her favourite cousin a farewell and good luck on her packing since the twins (Erica and Esme) were brats when it came to stealing things. Swinging herself off of the bed, she twirled and laughed loudly as the song _Sarcasm_ came upon her radio. Dancing around pathetically for a moment, she picked up her kitty and began to dance around with the bored looking cat. Her music was her life- she quickly changed the Cds before the song she hated came on and plugged in her Ipod to it's docking station.

Looking at the clock- she realized it was time for her to get a snack. Skipping down the stairs, she didn't notice the rapid flipping of the pages of her book or her cat which watched her leave with vague interest.

The words appearing upon the back of the book, melting like chocolate and seeping upon the whiteness in cursive italics.

_Qui afferunt robur, fer auxilium qui in nobis, qui nos adiuvet, nos autem lux in tenebris glauca._

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**Razi: Please reveiw, I hope you enjoyed it. Any opinions whether good or bad, please post as a reveiw or even Pm me. Until next time.**


	2. Chapter 1

**Razi: Thank you my reviewers which gracefully gave me praise for such an awful prologue. I appreciate it. So this is dedicated to them and the people which began to Follow this story. I hope this is up to scratch because I wasn't sure about it. Either way, I shall end this ramblign speech and progress with this chapter.**

**Though I am forced to inform you I have no actual hold of any of JKR's work or characters. Only my own individuals. **

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Mornings were her enemy, mornings were everyone's enemy- the soft wisps of fog which crept through the street and the street lights which flickered in a state of limbo. The dew covered fields and the lazy strokes of sunshine which roved over their small time town; peaceful and serene on the mornings as traffic zoomed past in a hurry to get to work. With a groan, she cursed the big ball of fire which lurked behind the grey clouds.

"Stupid 'effing sun and it's bloody-GAH!" Flailing out her arms, she landed with a loud thud upon the wooden floorboards- her back pressed against the unusually cold floor and her legs still swung over the bed, delved within the warmth of her duvet. Casually, Minnie sat in front of her master and cocked her head to the side- it's gold eyes staring down at her with amusement. Huffing, Alice batted her cat away as she swung the rest of her body to lay upon the frigid floor. Her hair was in messy ringlets and her eyes still half closed, bleary with sleep. Just another day but today wasn't any other day- it was Friday. Friday goddamnit! Despite Rebecca Black ruining the day with her dreadful song- it didn't stop her from humming that very same tune as she lifted herself off of the ground and started her morning ritual. Everyone got excited for the weekend.

Plus, Adrianna was coming over today and staying for the weekend.

Her phone buzzed quietly as Alice walked into her own personal en-suite- Adrianna just text her saying to pack the books and take them to school because she was picking Alice up afterwards. With a roll of her pretty emerald eyes, she hopped into the shower and managed to get ready in the space of half an hour. Her hair was scraped back into a ponytail- straining against the bobble with it's larger than life texture. As she slid over to her bookshelf- she tenderly grabbed all six of her Harry Potter books (Except for the one which laid peacefully upon her bedside table) and placed them into her school bag. Grabbing the last one on the way out, she skipped down two sets of stairs and arrived in the kitchen upon silent steps.

Her mum was hunched over her notebook, jotting down useless numbers and figures as she tried to work out this months electricity bills or something close to that. Her Dad didn't even peer over his newspaper like he usually did- though he did slap her hand away from his cup of coffee. He always seemed to know what she was up to. Rolling his eyes behind his paper, he shoved her lime green mug towards her with steaming black coffee inside; something which she happily chugged down with a glazed donut that her Mum had left out on the side.

"Later Ma', bye Dad!" She waved, walking backwards so she could see her mothers half hearted wave over her shoulder and her dad who merely shooed her out of the kitchen with a wink. Quietly eating the delicious donut, she opened the book upon the page she was on last night and continued reading- vaguely aware of what was going on around her. Tendrils of fog weaving through her ankles, she shuddered quietly and pulled her red leather coat around her as she licked the sugar which coated the fingers on her right hand. Her red converse matching the pace of her breathing to the speed of her steps. Her uniform restrictions were very loose since it was a small village they lived in.

Her footsteps were echoed fourfold- four people, maybe even more were behind her and she felt the feeling of dread begin to swell in the pit of her stomach; slyly, she hid the book and slipped it into her bag- hoping it hadn't been noticed. Tony was waiting for her at the end of the street like always, she just had to make it that far but from here? The end of the street seemed so very far away. Glancing over her shoulder, she saw the usual posse stood there with smug smirks upon their faces and a certain gleam within their eyes. She had made it an inch past Warty Wilma's Well- the thing which most parents included in their scary bed time stories- before the ringleader of the group of girls stopped her. Tall, long auburn hair and caramel eyes, loads of make up though she generally didn't need it.

"Well well well, if it isn't Alice- how's life?" She asked breezily, as if she didn't stop the girl with her nails digging into her shoulder so hard it drew tiny specks of blood. Silently wincing, Alice batted the hand off her shoulder as if it was nothing more than a pesky fly; a single eyebrow raised at the other girl who growled quietly under her breath at an underling showing defiance. A soft breeze running through Alice's copper hair and sending a shiver down her spine, curse this British weather. The other girls didn't seem to have any problem with how bitterly cold it was- odd, seeing how their skirts were hitched high enough to show off their under garments and the buttons upon their top had more undone than there should have been.

Tony had started walking down the road, having seen the other girls- he kind of gathered that his only friend which was a girl (Mentally, he classed her as his Girlfriend- not that he'd tell her that) was in a bit of trouble. The other girls didn't notice though as the ring leader pushed her backwards, Alice loosing her footing upon the black ice which caused her to land on her backside- her bag landing a couple of feet away from her. Rubbing the back of her thighs, she glanced down at the palms of her hands only to wince at the sight of the scrapes which were beginning to well with blood. The other girls laughed obnoxiously, stood and watching Alice as if she was a freak show.

"Stupid cow." Alice muttered under her breath quietly as she got up and went to pick up her bag.

"What did you just call me?!"

Maybe it hadn't been such a quiet statement after all.

Tony came up beside her, placing a hand upon her shoulder and glaring at the four girls which were practically throwing daggers at Alice with their eyes. The girls were silent though, not even trying to trip her as she walked past them but as soon as she made it to Warty Wilma's Well, her back slammed into the old stone wall which surrounded it. Tony turned around shock to see his best friend which was a girl hung hazardly over the well with another girl clutching her hair in a vice grip and trying to gouge her eyes out with the other hand.

"Fuck it Abby!" Tony yelled, grabbing the girl by the shoulders and pushing her away from his friend. 'Abby' stumbled for a second before glaring at the boy from under her heavy coated eyelids. Alice rubbed her scalp, no doubt where the blonde had ripped a good chunk of her copper curls out- tears forming in her eyes as she tried to soothe the throbbing in her head and in her lower back. Tony turned around to her, slinging his arm over her shoulder and pressing close to his chest so she could hide her watery eyes; Abby didn't like that.

She didn't like it one bit.

It was bad enough that Alice moved in a year later than everyone else into their high school- she was everything that Abby despised. She was different. Some people just don't like different.

Shades of green seemed to flash across the girls face simultaneously as she shoved Tony forward, causing him to let go of his friend and brace himself with both hands of the Well's wall- though Alice seemed to almost disappear. Looking where she had been, he saw where the wall had given way due to Abby's constant pushing- screaming down the Well; he didn't notice that the four girls had already fled the scene. His panic was overwhelming as he called out his friends name in hope that she would call back and she would be alive. He stared into the abyss below, staring at it for ten minutes straight without blinking and his voice growing hoarse with his hysteric yells.

* * *

"Sh Daddy, I think she's waking up." It was a soft melodious voice with kind of a whimsical twist which woke Alice up- why was she sleeping in the first place? Her eyelids felt like cement had forced them shut, like the rest of her world would be darkness. Panicking for a moment, she felt a cold cloth being placed upon he forehead- beads of frigid water slipping down her temples and across her jaw line silently. Soft silk like covers brushing over her fingertips and the warmth which surrounded her- slowly but surely she opened her eyes as the sleep in her eyes melted away. She gazed up at the soft buttercup walls in beffudlement, rolling over she only caught a glimpse of the pale green walls and the rosy pink curtains.

Shards of sunlight crept between the drawn curtains, casting shadows across the room which was quite pretty- Alice noted. Looking round, the entire furniture within the room was white framed- except for the girl which sat beside her bed. Her clothes were quite odd, a long orange dress with a number of what seemed to be navy blue baubles dangling in rows; her top was a vivid magenta which matched her radish earrings. Wisps of dirty blonde hair falling into her face but she didn't seem to notice, merely gazing at Alice with a glazed over expression.

"Your finally awake, that's good." She murmured quietly, her lips pulling up into a knowing smile as she stood up and turned to the corner of the room to bring over a tray full of food to Alice's bed.

"Where am I?" Her voice was harsh, course and rough as if she hadn't used it for months. The girl didn't answer but merely thrust a cup of what seemed to be milk- though when she sipped it, it had a pleasant taste to it which reminded Alice of lavender and vanilla. A wave of serenity washed over her, like the floodgates opening within her veins and the cool feeling sending tingles down her spine. She sighed blissfully, leaning back upon the headboard of the bed as she sipped the drink quietly. Quietly, she noted the blue patchwork duvet and the flannel which had slipped from her forehead only to land upon her shoulder. Clutching the mug in one hand, the other slipped through her severely knotted copper locks.

"Where am I?" Alice asked softly, watching as the blonde girl smiled at her and lifted the flannel off of her without a falter in her step.

"You're at my house." Alice could have sworn this girl was singing with the melodious tinkle which followed her voice; soft spoken and yet Alice could see a strong one a mile away.

"And where is your house?" Alice was quite amused when she knew she shouldn't have been, where the fuck was she? The girl seemed to notice her distress and sent her another easygoing smile. Placing a set of clothes upon the bedside, she elegantly waved to the small yellow door which was in the corner of the room.

"The bathroom is over there, if you would like to change out of your pyjamas."

Her procrastination was starting to get under Alice's skin, the familiar clawing of annoyance creeping in as she silently ripped the duvet from over her legs; swinging her legs over the edge of the bed, her feet brushing gently against the cool floorboards which were the colour of sand. Padding over to the bathroom, she didn't glance back at the girl which sat by her bed as she slammed the door shut- slipping into the shower, she relished in the heat of the water which burned against her skin. Her hair was lathered in the delicious mango scented shampoo and the feeling of serenity washing over her once again. It only took her another ten minutes to dry and change into the simple jeans and long sleeved carmine coloured shirt.

Walking out, her sodden copper locks wrapped up into a bun and few damp tendrils let loose to frame her face. The girl smiled at her once again when she exited the room causing another flare of irritation to spike though Alice pushed it down as she followed the girl out of the bedroom and down a set of spiralling stairs. The house was a mess, though strategically so- it reminded her of her own house. How she longed for the smell of burnt cooking, the warmth of her fireplace or the lull of her stereo. Though the house was inviting, she still had no clue where the hell she was and even surprised herself with her own calm demeanour. Waking up in a strange place and not freaking out? Completely normal.

"No offence to your hospitality," Alice stated dryly as they walked down the second flight of stairs "But where the hell am I? And who are you?"

"Hm, you're at my house and my name's Luna." The girl, Luna, stated with a smile. It was at this time which Alice noticed the height difference between the two of them- she seemed tiny, standing at around 5"3 in comparison to her 5"6. Shrugging her shoulders, Alice followed the girl further, merely assuming she had a couple of years on the girl. Walking onto the ground floor, Alice noted fondly that there were a lot of books whether they be in their appropriate shelves or scattered upon the furniture. It reminded her of home, something which she needed to get back to desperately. No doubt Tony was going batty, her mum and dad…

"Ah, Luna, how's our little guest?" Another voice floated in from the doorway on their far right, Alice peered over the shorter girls shoulder into the room- only to catch a pair of similar blue eyes gazing back. He winked cheekily at Alice, reminding her of Adrianna, his grin was contagious as she swayed around in his loose looking clothes and a little glimmer silver caught within the rays of sunlight. Luna smiled at him, wiggling her fingers in a gentle wave as she glided over to the multiple armchairs- one a burnt auburn and another a vivid magenta. The duo settled into the comfortable armchairs as the older man danced around in front of them, setting out a full English breakfast upon vividly coloured plates.

"Are you alright missy? You were in a dreadful state when we found you. Though the Katasie's had got'ya." The man murmured, shaking his hand and letting his platinum blonde locks sway around his shoulder blades. The silver necklace catching Alice's eyes once again, the symbol so familiar and yet the name slipped her mind. It was probably nothing important- Alice thought to herself as she thanked him and dug into her food. The man sitting across to her, nestled nicely upon a wooden stool as he absentmindedly stroked the necklace between his middle finger and his thumb. Once again, the shape caught Alice's eye- the triangle, the circle; everything so familiar and that's when it clicked and a feeling of dread pooled within the bottom of her stomach as she placed her knife and fork down upon the table.

"May I ask your full name, please?" Her voice was raspy with the hints of panick obvious in her body language and tone of voice. Her hands shaking as she clutched a cup of water which the man handed her, obviously concerned for her wellbeing. Luna cocked her head from where she sat, her long dirty blonde locks tumbling over a single shoulder as if a platinum waterfall.

"Luna Love good 'nd who are you?"

"In deep shit."

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**Razi: And thank you once again for reading this odd little story which I have put together. Next chapter there will be the appropriate Harry Potter characters and also a little bit more (A whole lot more) magic, including flaming portraits, ingenious pranks and vicious attacking birds. Though I do hope you enjoyed this chapter enough to review.**

**Till next time.**


	3. Chapter 2

**Razi: Okay this is a little earlier than planned and also a bit shorter but I really needed to get this chapter out of the way so then I could get down the proper business. It does mention everyone and what time frame this is actually set in- so there you go. Right before the goblet of fire. Which makes Fred and George 16- the same age as Alice.**

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"Well kids, welcome to the Quidditch world cup!" Mr Weasley exclaimed and Harry could only stare in awe at the number of tents all huddled together, the amount of colours which all blurred into one. So many people jumping around, rogue riders up in the sky- it just astounded Harry as he and the rest of the Weasley clan weaved their way through with Amos and Cedric hot on their heels. So many things to see, so much to purchase- it just made Harry adore magic even more than he already did as they came to the end of a long pathway. Mr. Weasley turned to his friend and gave him a grin, shaking his hand.

"Well, this is where we part ways. See you at the match Amos."

"See you Arthur!" And with that, their group lessened. Harry could see Ginny as she leapt upon Hermione's back- the two girls grinning and laughing and pointing as they went further down the path. Fred and George mucking about no doubt, nothing but sly grins plastered upon their cheeks the entire time they strode down. Ron walking beside him, both of their jaws unhinged as they stared around- drunks and sobers all partying before the match the match had even begun. Harry stumbled for a moment, taking the time to turn around just to try and get the whole picture of the gigantic picture. When he turned around- he stopped just to stare at their accommodation. He saw every one heading into what seemed like a minuscule ten, it looked battered and worn out with a number of patches in various of other materials. His confusion running at an all time high but maybe he was still half asleep.

Shaking his head, not minding small dark tendrils of hair which fell into his eyes- he ducked into the tent only to be silenced once again with the actual size of the tent. A number of sashes and drapes dangling from the surprisingly high ceiling in a multitude of colours, a living space set out in the front with a three seat sofa and a matching arm chair. A dining table set behind it where Fred and George sat casually, their feet propped up on the table with their arms folded behind theirs head- smirks still in place upon their cheeks. So much room in what seemed to be a tiny tent.

"Ron get out of the kitchen!" The kitchen was well equipped with food and cooking utensils, also a hungry Ron which was rummaging trough the cupboards.

"Out of the kitchen!" The twins chorused, Harry chuckled as he placed his stuff upon a single bunk. Watching as his best friend flushed slightly and sauntered out of the kitchen with his Dad behind him. There were two wings as well, one in which Ron, Fred, George and obviously, himself- would stay in. There was a separate one which Mr Weasley had obviously called dibs upon and then the last which the girls had taken to.

"Feet of the table!"

"Feet of the table!" The twins once again chorused but they didn't even bother moving their feet from said table- quietly Harry shoved the satchel which he had brought under his temporary bed and sat there; once again he just marvelled at what magic could do.

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So maybe the encounter with Malfoy and Malfoy Senior had thrown them for the loop-

"Snobby bastards." Ron had muttered at one point and Harry couldn't help but agree with him. They had been so high up that it made Harry dizzy but it had been amazing nonetheless- with his friend surrounding him and the Quidditch in front of him. He felt nothing but elation right now, even with the Irish winning. The fireworks still played in Harry's mind, watching as Fred and George twirled around in the Irish flag. Hermione and Ginny dancing around to some music which they had put on the magical radio whilst Ron constantly bragged about Viktor Krum. The Twins taking turns to make fun of said athlete just to make Ron angrier.

"Viktor I love you~"

"Viktor I do~"

Harry couldn't help but join in with teasing Ron, it was such a laugh at times when the Twins didn't focus upon you. He could see Ginny and Hermione singing along as well, the chorus of the five of them overriding the magical radio completely but not as much as the noise which was happening outside. It sounded like cheering, no doubt a number of parties starting with the turn out of the match.

"Sounds like the Irish have got their pride on." George muttered, gazing outside of the tent vaguely before dismissing it as his father came in, only to see Mr Weasley in such a panicked and frenzied state. He paused the goings on in the tent, barking at the twins to stop messing around- staring out of the tent with fear in his eye which only worried the children in the tent even more.

"It's not the Irish."

As Mr Weasley ushered the six of them out of the tent, they all caught a glimpse of the running people- all of the laughter and the colours vanished. Instead the lick of flames and the hum of what seemed to be a chant. Mr Weasley stiffened slightly and turned to them with the most serious look Harry had seen him wear in his entire time of knowing the Weasley family.

"Fred, George, Ginny's your responsibility. Go! Get back to the portkey!"

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"I think it's best if we give Professor Dumbledore a call." Xenophilius Lovegood murmured, heading over to the fireplace with an elegant stride- Alice merely sat there with her head rested upon her knees and her hands clawing at the hair at the back of her head. The bubble of dread had popped and now she was could do nothing but focus on her breathing as she slipped into a state of shock; she had yelled at them, scolded them for playing a practical joke but it wasn't till Xeno (As he preferred to be called) summoned a newspaper to his hand did she actually remain silent.

She could vaguely here the man murmuring into the embers of his fire, she could absentmindedly feel the frigid tears escape her eyes and trickle down the arch of her nose only to melt upon the fabric of her jeans. The ache from where her nails had scraped the back of her head was nothing in comparison to the overwhelming panic and hysteria which was forming in the back of Alice's throat. She wanted to laugh, cry, scream and curse all at the same; she must have hit her head, she must be delusional. It's probably Tony playing a trick on her.

So many reasons for what was going on and yet she couldn't process it, she couldn't cope. Shaking her head from side to side, she sat up and practically leaped away from the auburn coloured armchair and began to pace upon the wooden floorboards. Her bare feet knocking against odd things when making the circle or ditch she was burning into the floorboards. Her hands were flapping all over the place, chewing upon the skin surrounding her nails, tea ringing away her cuticles, shivering and all the while, she kept up this frantic pacing. She could hear her pulse within her ears, she could feel the blood drain from her face and then she could feel the wood against her skin. Luna gazed at her indifferently though- not minding the unconscious girl which laid in the middle of their living room, sipping her orange juice daintily.

She knew it was going to happen, the girl had been pacing on an empty stomach practically. The injuries she sustained weeks ago had no healed. In fact, Luna was surprised that she even managed to stand for that long after her long sleep. Her legs should have been numb, practically an ornament. Shrugging her shoulders to herself, not minding that her own dirty blonde locks leaped about- she took another sip of her orange juice. Xeno walking in after a couple of minutes, not even batting an eyelash at the girl and sitting back down upon the wooden stool in the corner and sipping his orange juice quietly.

"So…"

"The prophecy?"

"It would seem so."

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**Razi: I hoped you liked this, I don't think this chapter lived up to what it should have been. You'll see some more of Alice's panicky side- which I find hilarious to write. You'll also get a piece of Dumbledore, McGonagall and Trelawny~**

**Reveiws would be delicious~**


	4. Chapter 3

**Razi: Well it has been a while my faithful minions. And whilst one silly witch forgot all about this, my writers block has been slightly lifted. Forgive me please for the lateness of this update and I present the next chapter with nothing but the bitter words of disclaim . **

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Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, had a lot on his plate. He always had a lot on his plate, whether it be for dinner or in terms of tasks which he had been given to complete. Though he did prefer pork chops which the House Elves made at Hogwarts. Either way, he sat there with a number of thoughts running through his mind and not all of them were pleasant. There was the fact that a Death Eater attack had commenced upon the Quidditch World Cup, that had him worried, there was the fact that Madam Pince was trying to undermine his authority by handing out punishments which she was not supposed to be giving or the fact that Minerva had taken away his lemon drops. The last one was quite horrifying.

Then, there was The Lovegood Household.

"Ah, Headmaster," Xenophilius love good's head had popped out from his burning embers, not that he would ever show surprise but it was a while since he had seen the eccentric man. He had been one of the little ones, so tiny you could have stepped on him but now he towered over most people. Quite a difference which Albus found quite amusing. Yes, quite. Turning in his large chair, he faced the fire with a large smile that he gave to everyone.

"Ah Xenophilius! What have I told you? I'm not your Headmaster any more." He said it with a teasing undertone because he knew it was nearly impossible to have his previous students have him referred to anything less.

"Yes Headmaster." Rolling his twinkling blue eyes, Albus couldn't help but smile at the mans cheekiness.

"Is there anything in particular you wanted Xenophilius? Or is this merely for a chat?"

"Oh. Right. Well do you remember The Evans Prophecy?" Immediately, Albus lurched forward- his expression slightly hopeful and also slightly panicked. It had been a while since such an object had been mentioned- since Juniper had passed away. Stroking his beard thoughtfully, Albus tried to remember the wording of the Prophecy which he had long buried into the back of his mind. It wasn't that he had forgotten but like said before, he had a lot on his plate- not including the Pork Chops.

"Of course."

"Well, she's arrived I think." He seemed slightly unsure but that could have been the smudge of ash which crumbled upon the fireplace- a brilliant smile spread across Albus' lips either way though. They needed an advantage in such dark times which were surely going to be upon them.

"I'll be over with Sybil in a few minutes to check."

"Thank you Headmaster."

"Albus, Xenophilius, Albus." His frown would have had anyone worried if it were not for the bright sparkle within Albus' blue eyes, Xenophilius still sent his Headmaster a cheeky grin which served to get him into trouble

"Yes Headmaster." And wit that, the Floo connection came to an abrupt halt and the burning embers sank into place once again leaving Albus to his thoughts- the portraits were all staring at him curiously. Headmasters of all ages placed upon the walls of his office, Armando Dippet was upon there as well as Phineas Nigellus Black, Vindictus Veridian and many more. All were masters of this wonderful school which most considered a haven. He was rambling to himself- he decided silently, standing from his large comfortable chair with his knees creaking; Sybil would no doubt be down in the Great Hall- trying to convince Minerva that she would have a horrible death including a Mongoose. He could kill two birds with one stone and get his lemon drops back. All in one swoop.

* * *

"Ah, Headmaster. So glad you could make it." Xenophilius greeted his previous Headmaster with enthusiasm, shaking his hand strongly and leading both he and Professor Trelawny over to the Living Room where they saw a girl laid across his shimmering gold couch. Her curly copper locks spread in all direction and she was indeed very pale, her arms tucked up against her chest and a single knee raised towards her as her foot dangled limply over the edge. A sea foam colour sheet covering her slightly. Sybil immediately floundered for a moment, not realizing the age of their advantage was one which rivalled The-Boy-Who-Lived. Albus sighed quietly to himself, the youth these days had so much resting upon their shoulders.

Miss Lovegood, a personal favourite of his- was sat in a single magenta armchair, sipping some orange juice silently but her pretty sapphire eyes never straying from the older girl which was stretched across their couch. She looked so much like Juniper it hurt, her mother was another of his favourites- such a bright and quirky woman. Sending the girl a smile, Albus walked past her and stood beside the copper haired girl who's eyelashes fluttered lazily against her cheekbones. Sybil flitted to and for, watching the girl which laid in a slumber- her murky green eyes never drifting from the second poor child she had prophesized.

"Did you catch her name?"

"In her bag, some of her possessions were labelled Alicia Evans." Luna commented lazily, a small smile lifting her lips as she placed the empty cup down upon the coffee table. Albus nodded, he knew the name- of course he did. He made sure that he had her name memorised to heart, prophecies were often changed or even discarded at times when it is obvious that they were bound not to happen. The mistake with People and their belief in Prophecies is that they happen immediately or that they will happen without a doubt. In all honesty, they didn't. It usually turned out that one participant died or were excluded from the Prophesies terms before the event occurred. Alicia Evans had been a prophecy which had caught his eye, the words and the looming threat which she would have brought if falling into the wrong hands.

Luna quietly stood from her seat and pressed the back of her hand against the girls forehead- her father hadn't the heart to wake her from the forced sleep. Her temperature was normal if not a bit cooler, she was returning to her normal colour- the slight flush of her cheeks were evidence enough. Removing her hand from her forehead, Luna gently patted the girls cheek- watching as her eyes fluttered open, revealing a jade colour which was darker than the blades of emerald grass. Smiling, Luna's sapphire blue eyes twinkled in happiness as she held out her hand in an offer of help. Pulling the older girl up, the five of them sat down and the heaviness of the situation weighed down upon them.

"I don't suppose you're someone which Tony paid to make me look like an idiot as revenge for yelling out his deepest darkest secrets in the cafeteria, are you?" Alice murmured with a sad smile, Albus mirrored such a smile which half of the younger generation seemed to wear these days. Shaking her head, Albus watched the girl carefully. Copper hair, green eyes- why did she remind him so much of Lily Evans? Never mind, it must have been a coincidence- despite them having the same maiden name. That little fact carefully weaselled it's way into the things he kept for later.

"I'm afraid not, Miss Evans." His voice was grave and heavy, as was his sigh which left the silence in the room slightly tense. The girl quietly stared at her bare feet, wiggling her toes quietly and not daring to look any of them in the eye. Is this how Alice felt when she fell into Wonderland? Maybe it was some sick cruel twist of irony that she found herself here? Maybe it wasn't. Daring to glance up, she caught Dumbledore's slightly duller blue eyes which gazed at her with a hint of sorrow.

"What year is it?"

"1994." Albus watched the girl pale slightly once more and hunch over, as if she was about to vomit but only the raspy breaths escaped her dry, chapped lips. Suddenly, the girl snapped up to a correct position and her lips pursed. Her emerald eyes- the emerald which flickered a beautiful olive just like Lily Evan's did- slightly glazed and far off, her breathing once again regular. Albus watched her for another second before his eyes flickered to his previous student which watched all of this from afar.

"Xenophilius, would it be any trouble to have some tea, hm?" He asked softly, watching as the man smiled and nodded- slipping into the kitchen quietly. Leaving him to the problem which laid before him. Luna silently dragged something from underneath her armchair though, catching his attention very quickly as she pulled out a couple of objects. School books, the muggle variety it would seem along with several books which had a familiar name scrawled upon the front.

**Harry Potter and the Philos-**

_**Harry Potter and The Chamber of-**_

_Harry Potter and The Prison-_

Harry Potter. Harry Potter. It was literally scrawled across the top of the book in bold print- everything seemed to still though as he truly read the front cover or the blurb. The accuracy and the detail of recollection of events floored him. His shaking old hands held the books, there were seven- the thickness varying. The Philosophers stone, how he had dropped Harry off the night his parents had been killed- the exact outfit he wore. Everything was there. He felt the blood drain from himself, matching the colour which Alice had turned into but moments ago. Sybil admired such work, commenting on how their sight must have been strong to see all of these minute details. ugly

It was then when her croaky voice seemed to be torn from those pursed lips, flowing but cracked.

"Because she made them up. She made you. She's no Seer. She's an Author and none of you, _none of you_, are real."

Her words filled him with dread as he remembered the prophecy word for word- as did Sybil.

" _As her fifteenth moon dies, On the eve of the time of age, One will bring forth a weapon, One which holds no true mean in an other world, As iron pen flowed and revealed to us, From one extremity to the next, Thee shall rise with an ace in sleeve, For the side of the lighter grey_." It was nought but a whisper which was lost upon the wind but she heard it, Alice heard it and noted the worried looks of her elders. Luna, _Luna freakin' Lovegood_, merely sat there with a content and slightly dreamy smile upon her lips even if she knew the seriousness of the situation.

Standing up from her seat, ignoring the words of the two- she swayed slightly but ignored the dizziness and reached over for her bag, smiling as she pulled out her camera which she kept every where. There were certain things she kept on her person at all times and she was glad she did. Her mobile was in there, her purse, her camera, an old notebook with several notes about the Harry Potter series for English and a small strip of pictures. She lifted it up and stared at it with a fond smile for a moment, Tony and Zeke had dragged her out to the shopping centre and proceeded to shove her into one of those awful photo booths. Stroking her thumb over their faces, she quietly stuffed the pictures into her pocket.

Maybe if she cried, this charade would be over? The question seemed petty and the answer was already in the back of her mind. How many times had she wished she could be a witch? To meet her favourite characters and to live through the action which they had endured their entire life? And only now did she seem to come to terms with the sacrifices such a wish came with. Those sacrifices wouldn't be in vain- like her dad always said;

"_You've just gotta live, Alice, keep your chin up and shoot down those who'll try to shoot you. Fuck the circumstances. It's your life."_

Oh how did those words ring true, a small smile curling her lips and a laugh bubbling at the back of her throat; she looked up and caught the solemn eyes of one Albus Dumbledore. The tears felt holt upon her cheeks, yet they were bitterly cool to touch. Sitting down, she gently took the books from Albus Dumbledore's lap and opened the first book upon the first page and let the words run from her mouth like liquid fire. If she was going to stay here- it was going to go the way she had dreamt of; how she had wished it had ended. She wouldn't let wonderful characters- …people- such as Tonks or Remus pass away without losing her last breath first.

_This is where cannon tears the paper_ Alice though with a victorious smile upon her lips.

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**Razi: Do you know when you listen to really inspiring music when you write, it really affects your writing and sometimes I truly hate what monsters my music has created. This chapter being one of them. I do apologize and like a starving artist crave reviews, if possible could you also suggest any simple but elegant songs; it would be greatly appreciated since my listening material has become limited as of now.**

**Review**** my pretties! REVIEW!**


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